You left me alone

you left me alone,

with my thoughts and my pain,

 

you questioned my scars,

when you came back yet again

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A letter to a girl who will never read it

Dear Skye,

I miss you already. I feel as if I have known you for many years and now that you’re gone, a piece of me is missing. I feel kind of bad for saying this, but I wish I was still at camp. Things aren’t super great at home and I feel lonely. My sister has barely talked to me and keeps getting upset over the smallest things. I have become a turtle, attempting and failing to hide into my shell. I feel super down and tired. You probably found me weird and awkward and I wish we could be closer than we currently are. This camp has brought our friendship together even though it wasn’t very long. I understand you completely. I wish I was back with the light-hearted attitude of camp. Here at home, I feel trapped and alone. There are so many things I want to say to you but I don’t think you would understand. The photograph I took of you shared so many unspoken feelings. I understand the abyss and darkness you are feeling and wish I was brave enough to speak up about it. I already miss our conversations and the social awkwardness that we experienced. I’m so clingy and I crave friendship. You worry me, some of our friends don’t seem that bothered when you hardly talk or eat but it freaks me out and I don’t know how to help. I’m so disappointed in myself. I’ve wasted so much time and I fear that I will continue to do so for a long period of time. Whilst being away on this camp I’ve experienced a freedom that I have never felt before. I want to go back to being relaxed, chill and not monitoring everything that I want and need to say. My family is like a cage and I feel trapped and confined in it. You and the camp provided a blissful release but now I’m back to normal.

I feel as though if you ever read this you would be creeped out by this. So in case of this ever happening, I’m sorry, this is a coping mechanism for myself. I’ve been writing to various people for a while but moved on. This just feels right.

See you around.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

To explain this; I’ve decided to create a new series where I write honestly to a friend of mine. For the purpose of this being anonymous, I have changed the names of everyone in this story. This series will be very raw and honest. I hope to continue it for a while and hope you guys will like it. Some quick background information that you might need –

  • I have just been away on a 7 day school camp
  • I’m becoming increasingly awkward and silent
  • I’m finding it harder and harder to express my feelings
  • This series is a way for me to write honestly and attempt to overcome writers block
  • Skye and I aren’t super close friends but I feel a connection that I don’t truly understand and need to explore
  • Skye has short brown hair with blonde highlights, bright blue eyes, is about an average height for a fifteen year old
  • This series will include a number of various mediums such as –
    • Poetry
    • Writing
    • Creative writing
    • Drawing
    • Etc

I hope you enjoy and please comment down below your thoughts for this series (and if you want it to continue). I hope I don’t regret this! :/

xx

 

 

 

image source – https://www.kikki-k.com/a5-linen-notebook-sweet-2019

 

Hold on

Hold on,

Onto the love,

The friendship, 

The laughs,

Just a little longer,

Hold on,

Onto the experiences,

The memories,

Life,

Just a little longer,

Hold on,

Onto the pain,

The anger,

The frustration,

Just a little longer,

Hold on,

Onto everything,

The harmony,

The melody,

The music that is life,

It will get better soon 

i cant write

i try to write,

but i cant,

sentences dont work,

or flow,

my poems are,

disjointed,

the grammars a disappointment,

the topics are plain stupid,

i cant feel emotions,

im numb,

not upset,

cause how can you feel,

when youre drained of purpose,

of meaning,

what is existence,

but endless hell,

i need a way to escape my feelings,

but my writing,

it aint a help.

 

Hey guys. I might end up deleting this later; it is 2 am in the morning for me. I can’t sleep and I can’t write. I’ve been trying to post content on this blog as much as possible and have ended up being far from satisfied when my content is online. I know people will be like “it’s just writers block” but it feels a lot deeper than that. I physically am having trouble putting words down. This poem was sort of a test for myself and I think I failed. Though I did cringe about the grammar (apologies) I didn’t feel the poem flow or work at all. Even writing this is an effort. I think that I’ve bottled up my emotions for too long and they have given up trying to escape. I also think that having the blog is added pressure. I am so good at comparing myself to over people and it sucks! I’ve deleted the next sentence about four times already as I can’t find the words. Well, my ramble is over and I only feel and tiny bit better.

Let me know what country you are in and what time it is for you. Also feel free to talk to me in the comments as I ain’t going to sleep any time soon.

Love your unflowy writer,

Xx

 

I just want it to stop

I’m clumsy,

I lose the most important things,

Special to you and special to me,

I lost the expensive pen, the watch and the key,

With each pleading look,

I break down,

I want this to stop.

 

I overreact,

I spark over the littlest things,

That make you hate me back,

I shout and yell,

Inside it’s hell,

I want this to stop.

 

I’m dumb,

The simplest equations run rings round me,

Other friends are achieving 96 or 93,

I’m stuck with a measly score,

A broken heart,

The answer to my question that I know I’m not smart,

I want this to stop.

 

I’m emotional,

Little things get me down,

I hide it all,

And lock it down,

It doesn’t work,

Makes me a fool,

I want this to stop

My finest qualities,

Are my downfall,

Humour too harsh,

Kindness not enough,

Truth telling has gotten too rough,

I not okay,

I want be okay,

I just want this to stop